Ten years. 120 months. 522 weeks. 3650 days. Not perfect, may I add.
I have avoided typing this blog post because one, I haven’t blogged in a while (in about a year) and two, because it is about a topic I don’t speak about to many, unless we super close. But I wanted to share a bit of my journey because it is something I value and believe it can encourage you. This entry is simply a celebration to being one with myself and God; a marker to the commitment of waiting until marriage for intimacy. I wanted to celebrate the battle I have been winning for little over a decade. It is still a battle that when I reflect, I still cannot believe it has been this long and how much I have transformed because of it. This post is to celebrate my journey on being celibate.
Now clearly, if you know my age, you can do the math and figure out how old I was when I became sexually active. I was a junior in high school, on the path of finding my identity. And you know exactly how high school was: athletes being clout chasers, girls wanting the athletes’ attention, and just a lot of relationship games. I was definitely one of those girls; wanting the attention, the affection, the title—you know where I am going with this. But those guys just wanted one thing, wink wink.
Through one relationship, my entire view of intimacy and sex was skewed. The only reason I did it is because I was fearful of my then boyfriend leaving me if I didn’t offer something valuable to keep him around. What a mistake. And what a low value. It happened once but once was more than enough. I remember thinking, “God I know this is wrong. But I don’t want him to leave me.” And boom. A week later he left me because I confronted him about some rumors.
That was the only time there was skin on skin contact, but let me keep it one hunid. This is the realness I want to bring to the table. The aftermath has been a LONG battle. Shoot, it still is. What awakens in your imagination and desires due to one moment is something I wish I could take back all the time. From thoughts to dreams to temptation especially when I have dated; yo, it gets so REAL. But just as responsible as I was for the decision I made when I was 17, I am still responsible for the daily decision to focus on renewing my mind and not setting up myself to be tempted. Easier said (or typed) than done, but I know it matters.
You might be wondering why I feel so much weight on this; and sometimes I do too lol. But the truth is that I want to live my life with purpose even before I get in a relationship, be engaged, and then marry. How I go into a relationship is how I will do the relationship. Just because one gets in a relationship does not mean that person will be changed for the better. I have heard about so many divorces recently that I have started to fear being a relationship in general. What if there is no long term commitment? What if he finds someone more attractive or interesting? Can I trust him? All these crazy questions running through my head and I am still single lol. I have to pray this fear away quite often because the proximity of divorce is too close nowadays. I know heartbreak well and for the possibility of greater pain to be so easily attained in our generation compels me to remain patient.
I decided to celebrate this moment by taking photos to remind me of my commitment. This commitment is to honor my relationship with God, to honor the legacy I am building for future generations, and also to honor the God-fearing, anointed, called, fine as can be, hilarious, kind, serving, humble, yet mad smooth man that I will compliment one day. Where ya at son?! Kidding. Kind of.
But seriously, my choice of remaining celibate after one encounter is for a bigger cause than just abstaining for the sake of saying I did it. That’s fine and shoutout to all my girls and fellas that are doing the same. You are not alone. But that is not at all my motivation. My motivation in being celibate is rooted on the fact that sex is sacred, sex is to honor God in His blessed covenant, and sex is a commitment to intimacy. So until then… lol.
How do you feel about the topic of sex? Do you think it is okay for it to happen outside of marriage? If so, why? And if not, why not? What are your thoughts on celibacy? I’d love to hear where your mind is. Follow me on IG (@timagstyle) and comment on my most recent photo.
On my next REALNESS post, I will share my journey on learning how to love myself and practical ways you can do the same.
❤ Tima G