The more I am doing, the more I have to be dependent on God and His word. I have gone two days with only 4-5 hours of sleep in the last week alone (not the same as rest). Best believe, those two days I drank coffee like no other. I have two jobs in two different towns, in which I am more than thankful for, I am somewhat of a full-time bible school student at the best college, Victory Bible College (part time off-campus and part time on-campus), I coordinate social media for one of my jobs and the best local church ever, Transformation Church, and I am a co-facilitator for one of the multiple belong groups we have as a church. Among all these things, I try to stay fit by exercising when I can, I make time to spend with loved ones, and also try to make time for myself.
I am sure other people have it worse than I do, but I have never been so stretched in my life with time. College at OSU was awesome, and it was pretty challenging as well because I was a full-time student then and commuted every weekend back home to work and attend my church. But now, this year is beyond that because I am more mature, meaning I am able to handle more, meaning I am challenged in different areas, meaning I need more time management, meaning I have to plan, meaning I have to prioritize, meaning some things have to be cut off my life (permanently or for this season), meaning I have to grow up lol. Who really wants to grow up though? That only means responsibility, right?
So much responsibility, demand, and pressure can make you feel as if you are not enough, and let me tell you, I have lived my entire life with that mindset. Through bible school, my deepest thoughts (beliefs) have been challenged like C R A Z Y, specifically thinking that I am not enough.
Enough: as much; as many as required; sufficient; as much as necessary (dictionary.com)
I picked up the mindset of not being “sufficient” or “as much as required” at a very young age, probably when I was in middle school. And through various situations, that thought was “strengthened” in a way that I began to believe that was the truth about me. But that is one of the biggest deceptions of the devil. When we truly believe in Jesus (the Word), we become One with Him/have agreement with Him (1 Cor. 6:17), just as He is One with the Father (John 10:30). This means He (the Word) becomes a part of us—Our Strength. I am not enough in my own strength—I fail very consistently in multiple areas. But by learning to lean on His strength and completely higher thinking (His Word), I have trained myself to think about His truth more than what I was raised to believe.
2 Cor. 12:9 “Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”
As I began to reflect on how much God has done for me thus far, I am completely overwhelmed by His love and grace. From being dreadfully insecure, to learning to manage my time efficiently, I am doing the small and the big things for His strength to be shown through my life, even when I fail at the age of 23. The only reason why I am complete and enough is because Christ is in my weaknesses and He enables my strengths.
Through learning to believe this daily and wholeheartedly, I have also been learning to enjoy it all, and when I say all, I mean all. It hurts to fail, especially coming from a background of straight A’s, always doing right/being the good girl, and trying to please people. But even this week, I have learned to laugh at ALL of my failing moments. I am not a clumsy person, but this week alone I have dropped more food on myself than ever and tripped way too often. My first response has been to be annoyed, mad, and just disappointed at myself! -___- But now, I have continuously burst out in laughter with the knowing that it is okay to fail and to not be always the “perfect” one. It is okay to have imperfections, it is okay to bump my head as I get in my car, it is okay for me to miss a step on the stairs; it is all okay. It is all part of the maturing process we are called to and I definitely am enjoying it all.
Be encouraged by God’s word. He delights being the strength of your life. So allow God’s Word to become just that. Don’t limit Him; live limitless.
Details| Shoes: Charlotte Russe, Jeans: Ross, Top: My job Beau and Arrow 🙂
Love you all!